Important Notice

The content in this course — including all modules, worksheets, assessments, video teachings, and written materials — is for educational and informational purposes only.

This course does not constitute and is not a substitute for professional marriage therapy, licensed counseling, psychological treatment, or medical advice. Lloyd D. Allen is a trained Marriage and Family Therapist; however, participation in this course does not establish a therapist-client relationship.

Results vary based on individual participation, commitment, and the unique circumstances of each marriage. No specific outcome is guaranteed.

If you or your spouse are experiencing domestic violence, abuse, severe mental health concerns, or crisis, please seek immediate professional help from a qualified licensed professional in your area.

By accessing this course you acknowledge that Fixing Marriage Academy, Inc., Lloyd D. Allen, and MrMarriage.com shall not be held liable for any decisions made based on the content provided herein.

Conflict Resolution Course  ·  lloydallen.org  ·  MrMarriage.com
Welcome to the Course

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Stop Fighting Against Each Other — Start Fighting for Your Marriage

The Marriage Conflict Guide
📘 The Marriage Conflict Guide — Course & Ebook
Every couple fights. The couples who last are not the ones who stop fighting — they are the ones who learn to fight differently. This 9-module course gives you the complete biblical and therapeutic framework for resolving conflict in a way that leaves both spouses closer after it than they were before it. Nine modules. Nine essential skills. One marriage transformed.
Conflict Resolution Course · 9 Modules · MrMarriage.com
Instructions

HOW TO TAKE THIS COURSE

Note — The course is best taken using a desktop computer, especially when viewing PDF materials.

Meet the Author
Lloyd D. Allen
Lloyd D. Allen
Marriage Educator · Therapist · Family Coach · Theologian

Lloyd Allen is a Marriage Educator, Therapist and Coach. He is also a Theologian, Author, and Speaker, and the Founder and CEO of Fixing Marriage Academy, Inc. Trained as a Marriage and Family Therapist at Barry University, with honors, Lloyd brings 30 years of experience helping couples around the world repair, restore, and rebuild their marriages.

Happily married and the father of two, Lloyd's greatest passion is helping you build a happy, loving, God-designed marriage that lasts — starting with learning how to fight for it rather than against each other.

What's Inside

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Before You Begin

DO THIS FIRST: PRE-COURSE ASSESSMENT

Where Are You Now in Your Marriage?

The Pre-Assessment establishes your conflict baseline before the course transforms you. Complete it honestly — both spouses if possible. It makes your growth visible, measurable, and undeniable when you take the Post-Assessment after Module 9.

↓ Download Pre-Course Assessment
MODULE 1
1

MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

The Courage That Changes Everything

Every conflict has a first mover — the one who decides the relationship matters more than being right. Most couples wait for the other person to initiate repair. The one who goes first is not the weakest person in the room. They are the strongest.

Key Concepts

  • ›Peacemaking requires courage, not comfort. Waiting for your spouse to move first is a strategy for prolonged pain.
  • ›Going first declares the marriage matters more than the standoff.
  • ›The one who initiates has more influence over the outcome than the one who waits.
Biological & Psychological

Gottman confirms repair attempts are the strongest predictors of marital stability. The brain registers offered repair as safety — reducing cortisol and reopening empathic engagement. Going first is neurologically powerful, not relationally naive.

Theological
"First go and be reconciled to your brother." — Matthew 5:24

Matthew 5:23–24 places initiation on the offerer, not the offended. God does not wait for us to fix ourselves before moving toward us. He moves first. A Christian marriage follows the same model.

Example

She walked in and said: I don't want this anymore — not the argument. I want us. He exhaled. They talked for two hours. Nothing changed but who moved first.

MrMarriage.com ↓ Download Worksheet
MODULE 2
2

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR PART

Humility Is the Most Powerful Tool in the Room

Every conflict has two contributors — not always equally, but always two. The spouse who cannot locate their own part cannot resolve it. Blame keeps you stuck. Ownership moves you forward. Taking responsibility is the most disarming force available in any conflict.

Key Concepts

  • ›Blame keeps you stuck in the conflict. Ownership is the only thing that moves both people forward.
  • ›You do not have to be equally at fault to take genuine responsibility. Your part is yours.
  • ›The spouse who owns their contribution first gives the other person the safety to do the same.
Biological & Psychological

Blame-externalizing is one of the strongest predictors of marital deterioration. Self-accountability activates the mirror neuron system in the listener, producing empathy and reducing defensive posturing. Ownership is contagious in the best possible way.

Theological
"Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice." — Proverbs 13:10

James 4:1 locates conflict's source inside the person — in unmet desires, not the partner. Proverbs 13:10: pride breeds quarrel. Humility is the biblical precondition for every resolved conflict.

Example

Asked what is your part, he went quiet. Then named it honestly. She stopped defending. They were suddenly solving the same problem instead of fighting each other.

MrMarriage.com ↓ Download Worksheet
MODULE 3
3

LISTEN BEFORE YOU SPEAK

Understanding Must Come Before Resolution

You cannot resolve a conflict you do not understand. Most couples argue past each other — parallel monologues, not genuine dialogue. The module that changes everything teaches the spouse to stop and hear before speaking.

Key Concepts

  • ›You cannot resolve what you do not understand. And you cannot understand while forming your rebuttal.
  • ›Most couples argue past each other — parallel monologues, not genuine dialogue.
  • ›The spouse who listens first gains the moral authority and the relational intelligence to speak second.
Biological & Psychological

When people feel genuinely heard, defensive brain states de-escalate and rational engagement increases. Physiologically, being heard is the prerequisite to being open. You cannot convince a flooded spouse — you can only hear them.

Theological
"Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." — James 1:19

James 1:19: swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. Proverbs 18:13: answering before listening is folly and shame. Both texts identify premature speaking as the root of most relational damage.

Example

He kept correcting her facts while she was talking. The counselor said: stop. Tell me what she said. He paused — and realized he could not. He had never actually heard her.

MrMarriage.com ↓ Download Worksheet
MODULE 4
4

SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE

Attack the Problem, Not the Person

Truth that wounds rather than heals has not fulfilled its purpose. The goal of conflict is not to win — it is to resolve. Attack the problem. Never the person. The marriage needs you both on the same side.

Key Concepts

  • ›Attack the problem, not the person. The moment you target your spouse you lose an ally.
  • ›How you say it determines whether it lands. Accurate truth delivered harshly is still rejected truth.
  • ›Lead with feeling, not accusation. I-statements open doors. You-statements trigger defenses.
Biological & Psychological

Harsh start-up — beginning with criticism or contempt — is Gottman's strongest predictor of dissolution. When tone activates the amygdala, content becomes irrelevant. Manner of delivery determines whether truth lands or gets rejected.

Theological
"Let your speech always be with grace." — Colossians 4:6

Ephesians 4:29: let no corrupt word proceed, only what builds up. The model is Nathan confronting David — truth delivered through story and compassion, not accusation. Truth clothed in love is truth that can actually change someone.

Example

She led with everything he did wrong. By the time she reached her real point, he was in full defense. She changed her opening sentence. He started listening.

MrMarriage.com ↓ Download Worksheet
MODULE 5
5

GIVE A GENUINE APOLOGY & CHOOSE FORGIVENESS

Both Sides of the Same Covenant Coin

An apology without full ownership is a negotiation. Forgiveness that is conditional is leverage. Both spouses need to understand what a genuine apology sounds like and what real forgiveness requires — and neither is as natural as it sounds.

Key Concepts

  • ›A genuine apology owns the impact fully — not just the intention.
  • ›Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. You choose it before the feeling arrives.
  • ›Unforgiveness does not punish the offender — it imprisons the offended. You forgive for your own freedom first.
Biological & Psychological

Unforgiveness maintains prolonged stress — elevated cortisol and suppressed immunity. Forgiveness produces measurable physiological restoration. A spouse who forgives is protecting their own nervous system as much as the marriage.

Theological
"Forgive one another, just as God in Christ forgave you." — Ephesians 4:32

Psalm 51 models genuine repentance — full ownership, no blame-shift. Ephesians 4:32: forgive as God forgave you — not based on merit but covenant identity. Forgiveness is not optional. It is the operating system of covenant love.

Example

He apologized: I'm sorry you felt that way. She heard no ownership. Given new language, he came home and said it clearly, fully. She wept — not because the words were perfect, but because she finally felt reached.

MrMarriage.com ↓ Download Worksheet
MODULE 6
6

TAKE A SOLUTION-FOCUSED, RESTORATIVE APPROACH

The Ministry of Reconciliation Starts at Home

Most couples in conflict rehearse the wound and relitigate the offense. A solution-focused approach asks: what does restored look like — and what step can we take today? Reconciliation is not an event. It is a direction.

Key Concepts

  • ›Stop asking who is right. Start asking what restored looks like.
  • ›The couple that faces the problem together as a team resolves it. The couple that faces each other prolongs it.
  • ›Reconciliation is a direction, not a destination. Take the next step — even if the step is small.
Biological & Psychological

Directing attention toward desired outcomes activates motivation and collaboration rather than threat mode. Solution-focused thinking re-engages the prefrontal cortex and opens genuine cooperation between both partners.

Theological
"God gave us the ministry of reconciliation." — 2 Corinthians 5:18

2 Corinthians 5:18: God gave us the ministry of reconciliation — starting at home. The couple that practices reconciliation in their own marriage demonstrates the gospel. Every resolved conflict is a testimony.

Example

They had analyzed the same argument for an hour. The counselor asked: what do you want your marriage to look like in six months? Both went quiet. Then described the same thing. The argument became a plan.

MrMarriage.com ↓ Download Worksheet
MODULE 7
7

NEVER SHAME — ALWAYS HONOR

Dignity Intact, Every Time

Shame is a weapon of permanent damage. Whatever is said in conflict can be forgiven — but what is said to demean leaves residue that takes years to clear. Both people must leave every conflict with their dignity intact. Always. No exceptions.

Key Concepts

  • ›Whatever you say in conflict, your spouse's dignity is not negotiable. Attack the issue. Never the person's worth.
  • ›Shame does not resolve conflict — it ends the conversation and begins a long-term wound.
  • ›You can be honest and honoring simultaneously. The two are not in competition — they are complementary.
Biological & Psychological

Contempt — communicating inferiority — is Gottman's single most corrosive marital behavior and the strongest predictor of divorce. Shame and contempt are conflict accelerants that leave damage long after the argument ends.

Theological
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." — Proverbs 15:1

Proverbs 15:1: a soft answer turns away wrath. Proverbs 12:18: reckless words pierce like a sword. The biblical standard is not just avoiding lies — it is actively speaking words that honor the person God gave you.

Example

In their worst fight he said something designed to wound. Years later in counseling she named it the moment she stopped trusting him fully. He had no idea the cost. This module gave them language for what had happened.

MrMarriage.com ↓ Download Worksheet
MODULE 8
8

PRAY TOGETHER ABOUT IT

What Humility Before God Does to a Room

Couples who pray together in the middle of conflict — not just after it — experience something no technique produces. Humility before God repositions both spouses. It is hard to maintain contempt for the person you are asking God to bless. Prayer is the most powerful conflict tool available.

Key Concepts

  • ›Pray during the conflict — not just after it. Humility before God repositions both people in the room.
  • ›It is difficult to maintain contempt for the person you are holding hands with before God.
  • ›Prayer does not replace the hard conversation. It changes the posture of the people having it.
Biological & Psychological

Dr. Frank Fincham confirms couples who pray together report higher satisfaction, greater forgiveness, lower aggression, and stronger commitment. Prayer activates the parasympathetic nervous system — creating the calm neurological state necessary for genuine conflict resolution.

Theological
"The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." — James 5:16

James 1:5: wisdom for those who ask. Philippians 4:6–7: prayer with thanksgiving produces peace that surpasses understanding. That peace guards the heart and mind. It changes the room.

Example

Gridlocked, the counselor asked: have you prayed together about this? Silence. That night she asked him to pray for each other. Halfway through he started crying. Prayer reminded them they were on the same team.

MrMarriage.com ↓ Download Worksheet
MODULE 9
9

BUILD A CULTURE OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Agreements and Habits — Not Just Skills

One conversation does not change a marriage. A culture does. This module moves from skills to shared agreements and habits that make a marriage systematically safer — so when conflict comes, the couple has a framework that carries them through it.

Key Concepts

  • ›Skills alone do not sustain a marriage. Agreements and habits — built together — do.
  • ›Establish your rules of engagement before the next conflict, not during it. Decide together how you will fight.
  • ›A culture of resolution is built in the calm. It is tested in the storm. Build it now.
Biological & Psychological

Couples with explicit conflict agreements report lower escalation and higher resolution. Habits are neurological shortcuts. A couple with healthy conflict habits can access them under stress without thinking through each step from scratch.

Theological
"By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." — John 13:35

John 13:35: the world knows Christians by their love — most visibly in how they handle conflict. Ezekiel 36:26 promises a new heart capable of transformation. The couple building this culture is becoming a testimony.

Example

They wrote their conflict agreement: no name-calling, no stonewalling past twenty minutes, repair before sleep. Six months later: we still fight — but it never lasts more than a day. They had built a culture that resolved conflict.

MrMarriage.com ↓ Download Worksheet
After Module 9

POST-COURSE ASSESSMENT

Measure Your Growth

Complete this after Module 9 — before you re-read your pre-assessment scores. The transformation in how you handle conflict is visible, measurable, and undeniable.

↓ Download Post-Course Assessment
Companion Resource — E-Book 1

E-BOOK: THE 9 ESSENTIAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION TECHNIQUES

The Complete Written Companion

All nine modules in written form — with biological, psychological, and theological frameworks plus reflection questions and practical application. One technique per chapter. Written for both spouses to read together.

↓ Download E-Book 1: The 9 Essential Techniques
Companion Resource — E-Book 2

E-BOOK: THE A–Z CONFLICT RESOLUTION GUIDE

The A-Z Conflict Resolution Guide
📘 The A–Z Conflict Resolution Guide

26 Transformative Techniques

26 proven conflict resolution methods — A through Z — covering every kind of conflict a married couple encounters. A comprehensive companion resource that goes beyond the course to equip you for every conflict scenario.

↓ Download E-Book 2: The A–Z Guide (26 Techniques)
Instructor Resource

FINAL SUMMARY & VIDEO SCRIPT GUIDE

All 9 Modules — One Complete Guide

The complete video script for all 9 modules in a single formatted guide. Use alongside the video teachings for maximum retention and application with your spouse.

↓ Download Video Script & Final Summary Guide
Recommended Next Course

You now resolve conflict.
Now learn to communicate.

You have just learned how to fight for your marriage rather than against each other. Now it is time to build the communication skills that prevent unnecessary conflict from the start. The Communication Course gives you the complete framework for listening deeply, speaking truthfully, and staying connected — before the next conflict begins.

  • Module 1 — Listen Before You Speak
  • Module 2 — Talking vs. Connecting
  • Module 3 — Know Yourself Before You Speak
  • Module 4 — Understand Your Spouse
  • Module 5 — Ask Better Questions
  • Module 6 — Speak the Truth in Love
  • Module 7 — Communicate Your Needs
  • Module 8 — The Silence That Speaks
  • Module 9 — Communicating Under Pressure
  • Module 10 — How to Have the Hard Conversation
Take the Communication Course →
Up Next

COMMUNICATION

Fix How You Talk, Listen & Connect

The 10 Essential Communication Skills for Every Marriage

10 Modules · For Both Spouses

MrMarriage.com

Continue the Journey

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

This course is your companion to building the marriage God designed. The full Fixing Marriage Academy catalog includes courses on Communication, Her Needs, His Needs, Biblical Headship, Family Finance, Sexual Intimacy, Parenting, In-Laws, and more.

All Courses — MrMarriage.com Communication Course One-on-One Coaching Join the Community
"The couple that learns to fight for the marriage rather than against each other becomes unstoppable."
— Lloyd Allen | MrMarriage.com
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